Humans On A Train.

11/02/2023 - London-ing

I'm my time as a human doing human things I've learnt a fair bit about actually being human, or as I like to call it Human-ing.

Without a doubt, I sure have found out the hard way that being a human is, in fact, incredibly hard to pull off. There's a great deal of mannerisms and facial cue's that, if used in the wrong place or at the wrong time, you will most definitely find yourself in a bit of bother, and trust me, it's really hard not to look strange getting off a train at the wrong station just to save yourself from the slightly more awkward ten minutes from New Cross Gate to London Bridge.

The crazy things that people do all the time and not really think about are what get me thinking. The strange nod we do to strangers as we pass on a slightly less domesticated or pedestrianised street, probably, somehow and I'm not sure why, to show them that you probably mean them no harm in this instance of passing. I say probably because everyone's thought about what they'd do in the event of a 28 days later style apocalypse, similar to COVID but with a slightly more interesting story arch than going to the 'big shop' to try and win a fight over a single, extortionately priced toilet roll. It's strange to think we do actually live in a world where we would really cause a riot over who has to get the 'feel the difference' versus the sandpaper equivalents.

Regardless of who gets what toiletries, I still like to people-watch. I still like looking at what people wear, how the people wear it, and why they might like that colour, even if it definitely does nothing for them, maybe it was a Christmas gift from that relative who lives just far enough away that an unannounced and unexpected trip to see them isn't that far off the table, so it's best to be prepared I guess. I found little in the way of secrets to people watch and actually 'be' human, but one thing I experienced was on a delayed train that involves many people, but only three main characters, the child, the owner of the child, and an unknown individual. I'll try and impart the story and what I've learned about humans from my fly-on-the-wall observation.

The Rule: Never, under any circumstances purposefully trip a child on a train ride, the risk-to-reward ratio is just not worth it, and if you're caught out, it makes for a really awkward train journey, especially when you find out the train is delayed because there's a swan trying to make a nest in the track between Reading and Slough.

I'm absolutely not saying that I tripped a child on a delayed train between Reading and Slough, that would be incredibly foolhardy and brutish, yes, I very much did think about doing it after the ninth bashed knee and fourth spilt drink. But someone further up the carriage may have spoken for the masses on that instance a little too brazenly. I learnt a lot about human behaviour in the ensuing minutes, the scuffle of some sort of luggage bag across the floor, the cheerful obnoxious screams of a twelve-year-old child silenced by the ever-so graceful thud of the great-western train lines strange blue fuzzy carpets that hide all the stains. And the ungodly amount of noise such a little human could make. It was interesting to see that although the woman very clearly knew what she was doing, she had very little if any remorse for her actions and the rest of the crowded carriage felt somewhat split in their responses. I for one personally felt like purchasing a very large bouquet of flowers to be delivered to the next stop as a token of appreciation. Others were not so thrilled with the child's change of verticality.

They seemed to have had their own reasons to let the child run up and down making noise and being all the while inconsiderate to other train passengers, their reasons were more long-hauled and planned. They thought that if they let the child go just a little bit longer, then it would get tired and sit down. Although it hadn't done it for the thirty minutes of us being stationary at 'not a station', so what might happen there? It would most likely keep on going and going and going until its bigger human finally had enough and told it to sit, something which it was already doing, and the child still refuse to listen.

So what next? is there another more confusing reason to let the child run a mockery over the carriage? Well yes, they're a child, why shouldn't they? It's not harming anyone that badly, it only stomped on two grown men's feet and they didn't so much as acknowledge it. Maybe they all have children too? Maybe they know what it's like to have someone not listen to you even though you're the one responsible for their upbringing.

Maybe that's it? Maybe it's more about knowing that whatever happens, happen's? And that whatever experience occurs for the child on this stationary train that's starting to smell a bit stuffy after someone just opened a packet of frazzles in the corner. What if no one really cares what happens? What if everyone's already mentally checked out, including the child's bigger human or the woman who tripped the child in the first place?

There are two other slightly more controversial suggestions we should probably acknowledge before we summarise though. What if everyone wanted to trip the child, but everyone knew that only one of them could trip them, so they all ended up playing a strange Dutch bidding war against each other and the unknown amount of time left on the delay? What if everyone wanted to be the one to teach the child a valuable lesson but didn't want to suffer the repercussions of being the tripper to the trippee?

This idea is nice in a way, all the people are in the same situation, all want to do the thing that will bring them loads of satisfaction, but none will actually do it because they don't want the guilt that comes with making others feel annoyed that they didn't get to trip the child, and now they're the majority that gets to tut and seethe when they hear the cries of the child. Maybe that's the only exchange that was ever destined to be.

The last suggestion is particularly insidious in my opinion. Maybe, everyone wanted the owner of the small human - in this case, the child, but not in a strange slave way - to feel unbearable guilt for letting their child run a mockery throughout the carriage and annoy others not fortunate enough to have brought a book, or a decent pair of noise cancelling headphones. Maybe everyone was feeling good about making someone else feel bad.

It goes without saying that I absolutely learned a lot about people through the whole observation. I'm incredibly impressed still to this day, the silence of that carriage after the child had been told, 'I told you so' by their bigger human owner. I think I learned a lot about how people process collective thoughts, and in all honesty, it didn't take me long to start applying the logic to other parts of my life, where I continuously have awkward interactions with people I wish I was less awkward around.

The first rule of being human, should really be to not hurt children in any capacity. Teaching children, however, is fundamental. They might not understand instantly, most never do, but in time they learn through those interactions, pulling on past experiences and creating developed thoughts and conclusive understandings of why things happen a certain way. More people nee to teach this way, and certainly, more people need to learn this way.