Mindfulness in the Modern World: How to Cultivate Calm in a Busy Life

19/02/2023 - Oxford.ing

Truth be told, I'm not really sure what five pebbles balancing on one larger pebble actually has to do with being calm and collected. Maybe it's the 'balance' part of that whole thing. Seems about right, doesn't it? Well regardless of what it actually has to do with anything, I figured they look nice so I thought I'd put that as the little picture that's supposed to grab your attention, but I'm still not sure myself.

We live in stressful times, in a world of stressful jobs, surrounded by other stressful people who are also stressed out over some of the same things that we're probably stressed out over. Like whether or not you're slightly dripping tap that you can never really tighten tight enough to stop it from leaking will end up with you paying a shockingly high water bill. Or if that one person who you usually see on the bus and nod to every now and then still likes you after they didn't nod back that one time.

But yes stress and calm are like that Ying Yang thing we all see in lots of different Zen-style adverts and pamphlets on how to calm down and kindle some sort of joy, and the truth that I've found in my own little world of 'not really doing a lot so why would I know?' that there is one really important thing that controls a lot of the stress we have in our lives. Mindfulness. If you want to break this down even further into a few more things, you could say, mental resilience, and mental breaks.

The breaks are fairly self-explanatory really, much like the point I made from the biographies and generally quite impressive business and productive people post from earlier. Breaks are important, not the physical ones where you decide to have a break from yourself in the form of five pints, a kabab, and a factory shutdown for a dangerously long amount of time, from which you eventually reboot to find the important files you thought you saved the night before, are now nowhere to be seen or found, no matter where you search for them. No. I mean real mental breaks, the type where you do something completely different and distract yourself, the days when you do anything other than the usual sit on the sofa and wait for something to happen sorts of days off. It might be a pottery class with a partner, cooking a fancy meal from scratch and realising just how much better the store-bought pasta is than your strange chewy mess which, for some reason looked a little too yellow...

I thought I'd look down the rabbit hole a bit and find the key things from my life that I learned about mindfulness and trying (and in more cases than I'd care to mention, failing) to be calmer and more collected about the weird stressed out world we live in. So here are a few tips I've managed to whittle down to minimums for those stressed-out folks and the go, probably on the bus or something, being squished up against a window and a heavy-set man that smells of cheese and onion crisps:

1. start with a mindfulness practice

To cultivate mindfulness, it's important to start with a daily mindfulness practice. This might include meditation, deep breathing, or simply taking a few minutes to focus on your breath. Find a quiet place where you can sit comfortably and focus on the present moment. You can use guided meditations or mindfulness apps to help you get started.

Now I know, what you're thinking: 'but Ben, I've got no time to sit around with my eyes closed listening to the little voice inside my head to tell me what I've got to do!' and my response to that is: 'yes you do actually, you just prioritise ineffective calming techniques before the one's you haven't tried, because you know that social media works, and haven't given meditation a go.

2. Practice mindful listening

One way to cultivate mindfulness is to practice mindful listening. This means giving your full attention to the person you are speaking with, without any distractions. Put away your phone and other devices, and focus on the person in front of you. Listen to their words and pay attention to their body language. This can help you build deeper connections with others and improve your communication skills.

It might seem hard at first, particularly with that one colleague who doesn't really understand personal space or that one who appears to have never heard of chewing gum in their entire life. But you've got to trust the process, taking time to connect is a great tool to learn about people. The more you learn about people, the less stress and anxiety you feel when around them, just like how we're not really stressed out around our pets, or those other humans we occasionally partner up with.

3. Take mindful breaks

Taking mindful breaks throughout the day can help you stay focused and present. This might include taking a short walk, practising deep breathing, or simply taking a few minutes to focus on your breath. By taking regular breaks, you can reduce stress and increase your productivity.

Just like the super productive people say... hmmm... I'm starting to see a pattern here.

4. Practice gratitude

Gratitude is an important part of mindfulness. Take a few minutes each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for, no matter how small. This can help shift your focus from the negative to the positive, and improve your overall sense of well-being.

You will be amazed at how happy you feel when someone genuinely means 'thank you' when they say it. It's probably happened once in your life and that feeling probably stayed around for a good while, you can probably even recall a time when somebody actually said 'thank you' and meant it, and are now thinking back to how good it felt. Now imagine doing that for the everyday people you interact with in your life, imagine how good you could feel by thinking about how good other people feel about that compliment or moment of genuine gratitude.

5. Be mindful during routine tasks

Finally, you can incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine by being present during routine tasks. This might include paying attention to the sensations of washing your hands or brushing your teeth, or focusing on the taste and texture of your food during meals. By being fully present during these activities, you can cultivate a sense of calm and focus in your everyday life.

Just remember. Mundane doesn't have to be boring. The reality is that you and the squish mass of grey matter that decided to call itself a brain, are the thing that dictates the emotional outcome of a task, it can be as repetitive as humanly imaginable, but if you always strive for the best, you'll always do better. It's not even logic, it's just common sense.

That about does it for me, I'm off to walk around and decide on what strange thing I want to learn or do next, I'm thinking 'make real tortellini' or 'understand how fractional reserve banking works', either way, I'll learn something new about myself.